


An Unexpected Revelation

by squidgie



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode: s01e14 Sanctuary, First Kiss, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 01:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4503261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidgie/pseuds/squidgie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after S01E14, John comes back from Proculous with a realization about a certain blue eyed Canadian scientist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Unexpected Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> NOT BETEAED! Hell, not even read through a second time 'cause sleep is calling! :)
> 
> I'm doing an SGA rewatch, and this is my response to episode S01E14, "Sanctuary"

Though John's final moments with Chaya were pleasant, when he pulled himself away, the only thing that he felt was pain, with a bit of regret. Thoughts tumbled through his mind, and each step brings clarity to what he wants. His steps quicken, until he reaches the 'jumper at a full run.

Once through the gate, and then when the 'jumper is parked in the bay, John waves off the night duty maintenance folks, and heads to the nearest transporter. He punches a spot on the map, and waits impatiently for the nearly instantaneous ride to leadership quarters. His boots scuff against the floor as he makes his way to the doorway that he's been thinking about for the last forty minutes.

And he stops short.

John was so absolutely sure... More sure about this than he had been about _anything_ before. But now that he stands at Rodney's threshold, ready to lay himself bare, he finds himself hesitating. And instead of the perfect picture that he carried all the way back from the planet, he lets his self doubt and anxiousness get the best of him. Suddenly, he's not so sure of anything anymore.

He sighs, scrubbing his face with his hands and then shakes his head. One hand stretches out, and he mutters, "Idiot" to himself - _at_ himself - as his free hand reaches out to curse himself, to curse his life, to curse his insecurities.

There's a shuffling sound behind him, and he hears a voice call, "Yes?". John turns, realizing that his hand had waved Rodney's door open, Rodney calling out, "John?" and then stepping into the hallway.

"Sorry, uhh... _Major_ ," Rodney says, his voice dripping with iciness. Rodney folds his arms across his broad chest and adds, "Anything I can do for you?"

"Can we, uhh," John says, then grabs Rodney by the arm and pulls him inside. The room is still mostly sparse, even though they have been on Atlantis for months now, and John wonders why Rodney is still living out of boxes. "Look," he starts. John dares to glance Rodney in the eye, and instead of finding the warm, welcoming Rodney that he was used to, it's like there was glacial ice behind those blue eyes.

"I _would_ offer you a snack, but it appears that someone has gotten to my stash-"

"Rodney," John blurts, cutting him off, "I'm an asshole."

Rolling his eyes, but not standing down one bit, Rodney offers, "Oh well-"

"I mean-" John starts, but can't seem to find the right words. He begins to pace around the room, chancing a glance here and there, each time finding Rodney staring at him with the same hard expression. "I'm not so good at this okay?"

Rodney finally dislodges the unhappy look, exchanging it for a questioning one. "Good at _what_ , Major?"

Heaving out a sigh, John does the only thing he knows how to do. He steps right into Rodney's space and gazes into Rodney's deep blue eyes as they in turn search John, seeking an answer to an unasked question. John takes a deep breath in, the familiar smell of Rodney filling his lungs, and he raises his hands, gently putting his fingertips on the side of Rodney's face. He licks his lips, watching as Rodney focuses on the flick of John's tongue, and then leans forward as he closes his eyes.

He finally kisses Rodney, and it's magical. It's chaste at first, but then comes fast and urgent as his tongue demands entrance to Rodney's mouth, and Rodney groans as his whole body eases into John's. John knew it would be good, but this is flying and Christmas and rollercoasters and puddlejumpers - all wrapped up in a beautiful Rodney-shaped package. He lets his hands drop, then backs Rodney to the bed, and leans down on top of him.

Afterward, as they catch their breath and finally get out of the clothes that they'd torn at until they were just naked enough, John leans down, smiling at Rodney. He gives him another kiss, and then lays on his back, smiling.

Rodney reaches out, thumb and forefinger lazily dredging through the thick hair of John's chest. "So, um. Mind telling me what this was all about?"

Glancing to his right, John can see Rodney's smiling. But just beyond that façade, that John knows to look for _only because he knows Rodney_ , he sees emotions that he'd mirrored earlier; fear. Doubt. Uncertainty.

John searches for the words to explain it. He gets up on an elbow and says, "When I was on the planet, and confronted Chaya-"

Rodney stiffens at the name, exploring fingers just hanging limply. "Well there goes the afterglow-"

"No, Rodney. Listen," John says, demanding Rodney's attention. John puts a hand on Rodney's chest, then gently raises it to cup Rodney's cheek. "I mean it... I'm - I'm not really that good at this. But what I wanted to say is, what Chaya said - you know, about being alone. I've been alone for a hell of a long time, Rodney. But since coming to Atlantis, I've found someone-"

Rodney bristles, so John leans down and gives him a gentle kiss. "You _know_ I'm talking about you, right?"

Rodney just gives John a curious look, and John just smiles at him in return. "I've just been scared..." John says, voice barely above a whisper.

"Scared of what, John?"

"Scared of this... Of telling you how I really felt."

"But why would you-"

" _Because_ , dammit," John says. He looks down into Rodney's eyes, and says, "I couldn't handle it. Losing everything... Losing you."

Rodney reaches around, his hand gently landing on John's hip. "Why would you lose me?" he asks.

Nervously looking around the room, John finally says, "Because I wasn't sure how you felt. If you felt the same about me as I have about you - for a while now... And," then John blows out a sigh. "And if I got caught, even though we're in another galaxy, I could get thrown in the brig. You know," he says, "if someone found out about us... About me."

Rolling his eyes, though playfully, Rodney starts, "We're in a whole other galaxy. And I _highly_ doubt Weir would subject the military to Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Besides, we're a global force."

"Logically, I know that," John says. "But who says love has to be logical?"

"Love?" Rodney says - and John instantly starts, his mouth spilling secrets that he thought he'd keep hidden for at least a little longer.

Shrugging, John says, "I think so..."

"But how would you even know?" Rodney asks, his voice so slight in the still room.

John looks down, cupping Rodney's chin again. "Because I know that I could do it. I could leave Earth. I could leave the military. Hell, I could leave the expedition if Weir asked me to. But I couldn't leave you." He takes a deep breath, and then adds, "You're just... I couldn't do it, Rodney. I couldn't lose you."

He hopes the few words that he's managed to string together helps Rodney understand what he's saying - helps Rodney know just how important he is to John.

"I mean, I-" John starts.

"Love you, too, John," Rodney says, face beaming as the tips of his ears color.

And right there - right then - all is right with their world.


End file.
